I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
