??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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