Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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