I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
