Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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