oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
