What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
