she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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