just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
only you would photoshop your dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
