My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
