A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
