What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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