Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
