No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
one might say we're banned from that church
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
