someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
