i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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