If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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