Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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