I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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