All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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