Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
