I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
