Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
