Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
