i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize