You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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