She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
