I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
