based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize