She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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