Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
