So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
