So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
