what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize