next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
