Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
