the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
