Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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