that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
