I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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