my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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