having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
