I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
