Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
