shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
