so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
