I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
