I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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