You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
love makes seman taste better
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
