Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
