my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
