I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
