Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
