You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
