A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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