Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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