what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
