a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
