what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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