My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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