Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
