U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
