so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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