just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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