I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
