Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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